The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by physicists at Whatsamata U.

The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons, and 111 assistant vice-neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass number of 312. These 312 particles are held together in the nucleus by meson-like particles called memos. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with.

According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take 4 days to complete when it would normally take 1 second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately 3 years, at which time it does not actively decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that atomic mass number actually increases after reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to condense and concentrate at certain points such as government agencies and universities, and can usually be found in the newest, best-appointed, and best-maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration, and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversable damage, but results to date are not promising.


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Another version of the same joke...

PERIODIC CHART OF THE ELEMENTS REVISED, NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED!!

New element discovered…

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science.

The new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium". Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass". You will know it when you see it.