Pat Buchanan:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

Jerry Falwell:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes' my friends' that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken' you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.

Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Aristotle:
It is the nature of the chicken to cross the road.

Karl Marx:
It was a historical inevitability.

Ronald Reagan:
What chicken?

Captain James T. Kirk:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Freud:
The fact you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates:
I have just released eChiken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook, and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

Einstein:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

George W. Bush:
I don't think I should have to answer that question.

Louis Farrakhan:
The road you will see represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

The Bible:
And God came down from the heavens, and he said unto the chicken, "thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?